Happy New Year!

The year of the Tiger.  I think that is a good sign, although at the moment I feel a bit like a person at nearly the top of the roller coaster - you know something's coming, you hope it's going to be fun, you know you're going to be scared and you're hoping it's all worth it, while recognising it's way too late to change the situation now.

I am trying to focus on the positive.  The beauty in life. The creative force.  If I keep hold of the discipline, while linked to the dream, and I don't give up, then I might actually change things for better. 

Today's photo - yourself, in the mirror.  Be kind.

Purple blue is an excellent colour...and the hands!

Rock and Roll

And welcome to the new look blog!

It's time to shake things up, enjoy the wild ride that the planets are giving us, and loosen up on the reins!

'your Achilles heel, is you like to feel your fingers on the wheel'

Enjoy.

holidays

sorry for no caps. it's tricky to type when one hand is busy holding in the plug - thanks apple. i wish i could have more fun. i just feel anxious and slightly ill...should i go out? to a park? a museum? the gym? i feel like i have no interest in anything...

I think time is doing weird things

It's getting warmer again, and I'm dealing with the stress that breaks me, or seems to, the rest of the year. I can't believe that it's been nearly a year since I dared write blog nonsense, or sense. Where do I go when I put myself away? And could I let myself out now, without too much of a feeling of being sandpapered by a really horrible world? I wrote this to a friend...

'can i stop competing while i hate competition? can i stop looking for approval while figuring the world hates me so it's impossible? answers on a postcard to...'

But it's summer again; over 20 years of being ready for something that doesn't come, for something I push away...

End of Summer

I can't really shake this sadness, or a feeling of being permeated by failure. I usually love the bittersweet moments of the end of summer, the scattering of red leaves, the cooler air in the evenings, the clear grey light that heralds the coming darkness. But this year, having made the inventory of accumulated 'stuff', discarding and selling off (at a loss) what possessions I have, keeping what appeared to be 'essentials', I feel eerily ready to throw out a lot of the things I've been holding on to. The biggest piece of baggage shows itself as pain, and a willingness to put up with suffering. Duty calls, yes, but does it need to beat me up - and leave marks?

I'm trying to do the right thing, no hasty decisions, nothing that could be construed as irresponsibility, but damn, I'm struggling. When does the responsibility to myself kick in? Do I need to have it written down in front of me? I wish I knew how to let go. I'm apprehensive about the future, and I'm heading for it with luggage.

Meanwhile, all these nagging little doubts are pouring into my brain. Should I stay? Should I drink more tea? Am I a bad person heading for a sticky end if I don't wear sunscreen? Why do women's blogs bore me, when I should be embracing my inner Oprah and cashing in on the general malcontent?

It's my last day of proper summer holiday, and I wish I was enjoying it more. Will I be happier when I'm back to having no time to breathe, and buying school shoes and groceries and yelling at this and that?

Where am I? Sometimes I catch glimpses.

Proof The World Has Gone Mad

It's Monday, right? Or to be precise, at this minute, it's 14 minutes past midnight - on Tuesday.

So explain this part of an article on a reduction in petrol prices...

'While oil prices rose at the start of the week, they have fallen recently.'

Even saying that the week starts on Sunday, that's not a lot of time to account for 'recently'. As in an hour ago?

And that doesn't even address the question of why increases happen instantly, automatically, while reductions occur 'next week' or 'in a few days'.

Handy.